Fears that the erotic oral consumption of bananas may corrupt humankind and drive our species to a mass exodus of the planet, leaving only banananized zombie-like fruity seductors (“seducers” if you’re anal about this) behind, is spreading quicker than conspiracy theories on the sexual orientation of bananas themselves.
In their own form of a really obnoxious reality show, China has apparently outlawed the seductive and erotic eating of bananas on online forums or video sharing platforms, saying it’s simply too vulgar. The now illegitimate action of popping a banana in your mouth and sharing that clearly sexual act online, will have to be monitored by the video and file-sharing companies and immediately deleted.
Of course, the first protests over banana consumption have erupted:
Will this attempt at state-controlled banana-censoring prevail? Will Canada or the US follow and block banana binge banquets? What if you swallowed the banana whole? Was banana size and curvature considered? Can you still call a banana a “Big Mike”? And, as an article in The Guardian pointed out, referencing CCTV’s facebook page: “What of cucumber and apple”?.
More importantly – how will the Minions respond?